Category Archives: toastmasters international

toastmasters international

Tyler tries talking to strangers…

Standard

Not really, but Tyler does ask about making new friends so here is my mostly silly, almost all bullshit advice on how to branch out socially. As you can see I chose a cups spread which is good for exploring relationship issues.

The Querent: Seven of Swords; reversed. This card represents Tyler in the here and now. Despite the statement above, you, Tyler, are the recipient of some good advice you might be unwilling to hear right now. I don't know your living situation, but if you live with your mother, she's right about everything. And I don't say this because I'm a mother who is right about everything, but because …. never mind. Listen to your mother. Because I say so, that's why!

Foundations: Three of Cups suggests an almost irrational belief in the infallibility of infomercial wisdom. With your perfect mane of hair I know you aren't banking on spray-on toupees but that weird tortilla salad bowl maker is pure bullshit. The magic bullet is the real deal though. If you have one, now is the time to invite friends over for your unparalleled version of guacamole. Party's are the perfect foundation for new friendships.Plan a get-together with some friends you know and some folks you would like as friends.

Aspirations: Page of Cups tells us you have a message worth hearing and that you are eager to share it. Your talent for dramatic flair is a good one to exploit for the cause of putting yourself out there. Toastmasters is an excellent club for honing your skills at socializing. There are an almost infinite number of clubs out there. Another avenue is to join a sports and social club like this. Personally I suck at sports. Things usually take a turn for the worst about two minutes into any sports activity I participate in when I inevitably trip on a combination of dust motes and imaginary grass clippings and then curse like a sailor on shore leave. But that's just me. I don't know what's going on here but I'm 90 percent certain these people are doing it wrong.

Obstructions: The Fool card reveals you to be a young man on the brink of self-discovery. This is an awkward time for you as your ability to communicate appropriately catches up with your enthusiasm. There are a few things experts agree will get you started on the road to life-long frienships:

  • Make Eye Contact.: There is a fine line between a frank and honest gaze and the glare of a serial killer who commands victims to rub the lotion on its skin. Learn the difference and apply the skill. Am I the only one who finds it odd that the same guy who played Buffalo Bill also played Captain Stottlemeyer? Oh well. A guy's gotta make a living.
  • Start Conversations: Whether you are at the grocery store or the dentists office you are in the right place to practice your conversational savvy. Just remember to make appropriate small talk for the environment you are in. If you blurt out the phrase “Nice tomatoes!” at the dentists office you are likely to lose teeth before the dentist actually sees you.
  • Say Who You Are: If you have successfully mastered the mine field that is having a conversation with a stranger it is time to introduce yourself. You will know you have done it all right if the person offers their real name also instead of giving you a false one like Chesty McLure. By the way, that's the fake name I give creepers. I also offer the phone number 867-5309. Yes I'm old, and you are too if you get the reference. If you say you get it because your parents clued you in, I will hunt you down and kill you.
  • Seal the Deal: If you still have all your teeth, limbs, and a legitimate introduction it is time to make plans. You are not home-free. Now is not the time to push a subversive agenda. Do not invite your new friend to a meeting of the Flat Earth Society. Look it up. They actually still believe the earth is flat. Coffee is fine. Go get coffee. Probably order decaf. Repeat steps 1 through 4 until you have as many friends as you want.

The Past: Page of Swords shows that in high school things were different. Things are always different in high school than they are in adult life. We often find roles reversed as we find our strenghts and gain a voice. No duh, right? But it's difficult to discern your own voice among the din of voices telling you who and what you should be. An integral part of friendship is a strong sense of self.

The Future: Five of Swords Reversed sez once you have made those friends you should not take them for granted. Hug them and stuff. Always let them know you care. Pet them and name them George. Just don't squeeze too hard or they will run away screaming. Honestly you came to the wrong person since I limit myself to online friendships and awkward conversations with my hairstylist in which I am unable to even ask for the haircut I want. As you make your own way, remember, friendship is never a win- lose proposition. Except in this case. One of these people is clearly winning:

P.S. please don't forget to donate at http://www.gofundme.com/TheDrunkTarotRoadShow. Only 7 days left. $23 down and $477 to go. You wanna see me in person, you know you do.