Category Archives: fourth of july

fourth of july

Hippo Bird Day America!


With the celebration of our independence looming large in American mind set I thought the best way for me to honor it was to totally make a mockery of it, as I do best. So, hippy beard day America and here is your freeee reading:

The Past: Eight of Pentacles tells of an illustrious past. We remember a happier America when “Sambos” was considered an acceptable name for a restaurant and sexism was a revered institution in every home. Ah, the good old days of open racism and keeping people in their proper place. The good news was you could play outside without fear of being abducted, now we parents have to actually participate in our children's lives. Nostalgia is great, isn't it? Because it's such an honest representation of how things really were.

The Present: The Moon reversed is a card of deception, lies and corruption which seems about right. No matter which side of the fence you hang out on, you, as an American, feel cheated, abused, and lied to. No surprises there. It's a weird time to be alive in America to be sure. The cost of being human is too dear and only a precious few of us can pay the tab. Take heart, Americans, seeing through the lies is the first step on the road to recovery. And crazy people, please stop telling people the earth is flat and mermaids exist. America thanks you.

The Future: Two of Cups is the gold lining on the very dark cloud of the present. Notice I said gold? That's right, friends, gold is more valuable than silver, so get ready for it. Laissez les bons temps rouler. In the future that is. Right now it's still a crap sammy for most of us. Two of cups is a nice card for America on this day. It gives us hope that two disparate parties can reconcile their differences. It also promises prosperity, which, you know, a lucky few here enjoy in abundance. The tides will turn according to this card. We are collectively about to find the gold at the end of the rainbow. And the leprechaun guarding it will be taking a nap!

This is my deep intellectual take on the current and future prospects of this great country. When I say great, I mean it sincerely. I know it's out of character for me, but despite my craptacular world view I am a true patriot at heart. I love this country, what I believe it truly stands for, and what it could be if we could only get our shit in one sock. So, in all sincerity, Happy Birthday America. I love you with all of the parts of my heart that are not reserved for God and family.