Not really, but considering the recent incendiary comments made by the CEO of Chick Fil A, Dan Cathy, I thought he could use my very special brand of help. By “very special” I mean full of shit. I chose a swords spread because no one likes a sword more than a homophobe. Go figure. They are also nuts about guns. Weird, right?
The Querent: King of Cups describes a man of business, law or divinity. Our man Cathy certainly fits this description. King of Cups card is also a warning to be cautious of a man who presents a righteous facade, but acts in a contrary manner. Wait, what? You mean to say that presenting hate speech as christian values is hypocritical? Shut the front door! If you want to know what I consider hate speech let me enlighten you. Telling a segment of the population in a public forum that they are wicked and wrong because they are differently oriented counts as hateful. Especially when these comments have the potential to cause harm to others.
Foundation, The Devil…where to begin? Perhaps a description of the cards illustration will shed some light on the matter. The Rider Waite deck illustrated by Pamela Colman Smith shows a naked couple bound to a throne where a hairy menacing devil presides. One interpretation is that the card represents temptation of an earthly nature. I can't help but wonder if Cathy was ever a part of his college wrestling team, and if so, did he ever feel conflicted? I know the kinds of thoughts that pranced through my head watching sweaty men in tight uniforms grapple at each others parts and bits. I would just love to compare notes.
Obstructions, Queen of Pentacles; reversed. I am of the personal opinion that you can never have too many queens in a reading. This beauty's presence reversed and in this position, however, is troubling for Cathy. The queen suggests that Cathy needs to get his mind right about a great many subjects, sexuality being the least of them. Selling never-food (check the nutritional value and number of unhealthy additives) with a side of righteousness is an oxymoron. One can't sell garbage for a profit and then claim to care what's good for people. Make the food healthy or shut up about gay people, or preferably do both, is the queens advice here. It's always the cards, folks, the cards definitely are opinionated.
Aspirations, Eight of Pentacles means money. The man on the card is crafting money out of money. This money means money is money and also money. Money. Cathy likes it. He likes to have it, make it, spend it, but not give it away so much. Nothing wrong with money. If he wants to keep making it he should know, however, that his ability to do so is dependent on the good will of the public. All those wicked gay people have parents, friends, teachers, brothers, sisters and just general folks who will support them by boycotting his establishment. In other words, smooth move, ex-lax, in alienating the core consumer.
The Past, Six of Pentacles reveals a life of privilege. It also shows that telling people that he knows better what God thinks about others claiming to know what God thinks is a special brand of crazy usually reserved for serial killers and royalty. Six of Pentacles wonders why no one has caught on to this lunatic approach to spiritual logic. Try it for yourself: (I'm paraphrasing) “You people are so arrogant claiming to know what God thinks. When I was talking to him the other day on my antenna to God (penis) he told me that you all need to be cleansed by the fire of The Holy Spirit.” See? It's just pure crap.
The Future, Ace of Cups; reversed. It's difficult for me not to laugh just like Nelson Muntz here. I know it's mean spirited to wish people ill when you see karma sidling up to some deserving soul to take a bite, but I just can't help it. We all get what we deserve almost all of the time. I'm not immune to this and neither, if this card is any indication, is Cathy.
That wraps up this edition of Drunk Tarot. One could point out that my own intolerance is showing here and that certainly would be true. I am very intolerant of intolerance. I know it's contradictory. I also know that this piece is always satire. I apologize sincerely to anyone I offend here while I vent just for the sake of venting.
P.S. here is an alternative to those tasty sandwiches. Slightly healthier. Enjoy!