Of Dimwits and Frogs

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Hey all you crazy people, how's tricks? I have a special post for a special new friend out there today. He's a funny guy, but he's not himself lately. He's on a journey of self-discovery that will require a Sherpa and a few dozen frogs, maybe a pint of whiskey.

This one's for you, my favorite Dimwit (his title, not mine, before I get threatening letters about disparaging the disabled[which I would never, ever do]{unless your disability happens to be being an asshole, in which case, fair game}):

Straight to business. First card in an elementals spread is Ten of Wands reversed and is in the Earth position. That bed of nails you've been sleeping on is not doing you any favors. Bed of nails is not the same as acupuncture. Also the hair shirt is overkill. If you want to punish yourself try the last twelve seasons of Veggie Tales uninterrupted, that should be payment enough for your sins. Or, you know, take it easy on yourself. This card represents your foundation, your recent past, and I see a fair amount of conflict. It suggests that you have been in an ass-kicking contest with yourself and everyone you know with your own ass as the target. Simply step away from the fight. Your ass could use the rest.

Next card is Queen of Swords in the Air position. This card represents your true intentions, or higher aspirations. Lots of deep thought going on here about right and wrong, good and bad. In a world where David Hasselhoff spent a brief time (even ten minutes is fifteen minutes too long) at the top of the charts in Germany, who is to say what truly is right and wrong? I mean, this guy was in a Spongebob movie, how bad could he really be? On the other hand there's that whole hamburger freak out. See what I'm saying? Wait, sorry, this is about you, Dimwit, back to you. What I'm trying to say is, it's all relative to your personal perspective. It's good to have drive that is linked to a higher purpose, but don't let it drive you.

King of Wands is the next card in the Fire position. The recurring themes in this reading are chicks and sticks. Hmmmm, what could it mean? Either an unhealthy obsession with weapons and women, or, more likely, you are driven by honest motives and there are some truly terrific women out there supporting your ambitions. I know I don't have to remind you to recognize. This card speaks volumes about your personal integrity. You've got it in spades. Do take stock once in a while to make sure you're staying true to yourself.

Last card is a doozy. High Priestess in the Water place. Mystery upon mystery. That which you are seeking remains elusive. Or, maybe it means you are good at the tease, the build up. I think that may be it. That or the Mid-frog Nights Dream is set to go for your next project. Do I hear wedding croaks? Take it easy, Dimwit, and don't take any wooden nickels.

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