Monthly Archives: August 2012

Rebecca wonders if her diploma is flammable…or “What should I do now???”


On the occasion of her graduation Rebecca felt the curious sensation of monkeys trying to claw their way out of her chest. Or it could have been anxiety. Or it could have been the 5 hour energy shot. Whatever. She is now left with the question of what to do to fill her time and renew her bank account post-graduation. Let's look to the cards! Rebecca is an artist and her question regards future job prospects and general guidance so I will use the most obnoxiously comprehensive spread. Celtic cross it is:

The Querent: The Empress is the card that represents you in this reading, Rebecca. The Empress suggests you are a woman in charge. You are a domestic goddess ruling the roost with an iron spatula. You got skillet skills. You got garage-sale game….eh, thats enough. You get the picture. It also suggests an excess of feminine energy in the house, which we know is true. Is Scott drowning in the color pink? Does the thought of Disney drive him to inexplicably put on a football uniform and hunt squirrels in the back yard? Too bad, cause girls rule in your house.

What Covers You: The Ace of Pentacles reveals what's on your mind which is money. Money matters in this world and so this card signifying the beginning of your professional life making it is right on. I did some research about how artists make money. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Etsy is a sort of online crafter co-op. If you can McGiver pine cones into high fashion evening dresses then this is your new virtual shop. If you have a divine calling to repurpose medical waste into art then you will probably show up on regretsy, but apparently people still buy this horrific crap so its all good.Point is, there's money to be made in the art of fashioning garbage into slightly different shaped garbage. Plus, you can do it at home while downing a whole pint of chubby hubby and lounging in your pajamas. Wait, that's what I do minus the money. I'm doing it all wrong, dammit.
  • Artist/Rising is similar to Etsy but rather than crafters selling things that fell out of their bodies this features the work of artists who paint, draw, or photograph them instead.
  • Aquent is a job aggregate which specializes in employment for artists. The jobs are bone crushingly boring but probably offer a variety of adult-type benefits like health insurance or office supplies or something.
  • is another job aggregate run by the U.S. department of labor which has, surprisingly, a greater number and selection of artistic jobs at a professional level that won't suck the fun out of your very existence on this earth. There are several listings for “sandwich artists” which I would avoid if I were you because I strongly suspect they are a front for a shanghai business which will rope you into a life of slavery on the open sea. Because there is nothing a pirate likes better than a well-made sandwich.
  • Craigslist you may recognize as your one-stop shop for your own personal serial killer/masseuse but did you know that they also offer a variety of classified ads completely free of charge? You can advertise your services as a muralist who specializes in my little pony paintings at the same time you look through the wanted ads! Shut-the-front-door! No, really, you can.

What Is Under You: Three of Pentacles reveals a solid foundation in co-operation and teamwork. Knowing what has occurred in your life in the far past helps to understand what you need to know for the future. Or some such Back-To-The-Future silliness. This card which depicts an artisan plying his craft gives us a glimpse of you as a student who played well with others. Or ate her paste. Either way you would do well working in a team of like-minded people. A little supervision would also be good just to avoid the whole paste eating fiasco again.

What Lies Beneath You: The Sun card tells of a recent revelation. You just graduated. You just decided you really are an artist. And a real girl, but your nose still grows when you lie. How about that. It could also be telling you to work on your tan. Or irradiate your inner self with rest and time to take in recent changes. I suspect the later is more likely. Except the “irradiate” part. Don't really microwave any part of yourself. Really I was just being cute with words. Cause that's how I do.

What Is Above You: The Justice card gives away your inner motivation to affect change for the greater good. Inside you burns the flame of a liberal do-gooder who believes in peace and hope and change and all that other happy crap. Go hug a tree or burn a bra for Pete's sake. You would do well working with children. If anyone needs and believes in the value of fairness it's a child.

What Lies Before You: The World card is indicative of your recent status as an autonomous adult. Congratulations to you in becoming an upstanding, college graduated, grown up member of society. Now to the next step of being a contributing member. You Can Do It! This card says you are ready. It also says to remember to pack a snack and a light jacket because you just never know. The cards are smart assed, I know.

Your House: The Wheel of Fortune card in the position of your direct environment tells you not to become a crazy shut in like me. The house is great, the home is wonderful, certainly don't take it for granted, but if you find yourself stockpiling Oreos online and ordering a hover-round for in-home use it's time to get out a little more. Alternately, this card could mean you could do a booming business selling your work from home. Hard to tell.

What Surrounds You: Four of Cups. Here is where I offer a note in the form of a quote: “Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.” Andy Worhol said that. Virtually every other contribution by him was balls in my opinion but the quote stands. Shut every other voice out and listen to your inner self. Do what you and God believe best. The rest can go to hell. Or they can work at subway as a sandwich artist. Same diff.

Hopes and Fears: Ace of Cups shows a new opportunity being offered to you. You will soon have to chance to perform that interpretive dance number with the paper lanterns and spaghetti you thought up while you were coming down from the laughing gas when you had your wisdom teeth out. That was long winded. Sorry. Actually the opportunity could be in the form of a new bond or a new project of any kind, not necessarily interpretive dance related. Look out for it, don't let your opportunity slip away because it could seriously be the break or connection you are looking for.

Outcome: The Queen of Pentacles points the way to an intersection between commerce and fulfillment for you. You may never be able to turn bullshit into gold, but you will have money and you will be happy in the way you make it. Maybe you will become a moderately successful painter, maybe you will teach art to children, or perhaps you may even find career satisfaction making sandwiches for underprivileged pirates. Who knows? What I do know is you have reason to believe that the best will happen if you just pay attention to your own instincts.

That's it for now. Also, please forgive me for all the sandwich references. I was seriously hungry when I wrote this. In the future I will only work for thundercloud sub gift cards.

One more thing, if you like this post please “like” and rate it, pretty please with cheese on top? Thanks!